Writing What Is Me

Archive for the tag “venting”

Optimism Makes This Easy

So, as most of you may know, I was dumped days before Christmas by someone who I thought I was going to spend possibly forever with. We talked marriage and kids and then out of the blue, “I don’t think we are good for each other.” Ouch. To say the least, my Christmas sucked. I cried for three days but then I realized something. I was not crying because our relationship was over. There were many obstacles we would of had to get over if we were ever going to be together. I had my doubts of course but I worked through them because I thought he was worth it. I gave more of myself than I normally would and it lead me here. Which, was the hurtful part. Giving so much of myself to someone who I thought was worth it. I really thought he was worth it. He did things for me that I had never experienced. He always opened my door and was a gentleman. There was just one problem, that apparently was not who he naturally was. He did all of those things for me because that’s what I wanted. Thanks. I guess. Which is probably why the breakup came out of nowhere, but, my intuition was trying to warn me all along. I just ignored it. Go figure.

Even though this guy did the shittiest thing that any person has ever done to me, I still forgive him. I don’t hate him, I never will. It’s not destroying my view of love or of Christmas for that matter. Why do you ask? Because I am optimistic. More optimistic than most people. I see the good in people, no matter what they do. Everyone has good in them but it needs to be nurtured in order to grow. I see the potential that others overlook and I want to help it blossom into greatness. That’s just who I am. I will fall in love again and get excited for sharing Christmas with another person and I won’t think of this shitty moment. I will be filled with love and joy and giving. And I wish the same for him. Do I think that he is hurt by what he did? Absolutely not. Do I think that he still cares or loves me? Absolutely not. And that’s okay. My friends, coworkers, employees all believe that in the near future he will contact me and want to get back together. Do I want him back? Absolutely not. Do I miss him? Of course. I mean, we were supposed to see the Dali Lama together damnit! Which is upsetting because, it’s the Fucking Dali Lama! I digressed.

I consulted the IChing and it is always spot on with its wisdom. That brought me more inner peace than I thought it would. Basically, I needed to have a shock to my system to remind me of something, to bring me to where I’m supposed to be. Losing yourself in a relationship happens and I was doing that. I see that. I wasn’t doing what I needed to do because of the energy this person was feeding me. Losing sight of the most important things because someone else “took” their place. I found myself being angry for no reason and not understanding why. Am I saying it was his fault? No, I’m not. Do I think it influenced me? Yes, I do. Either way, I’m better off. He’s better off. I’m optimistic about my future and what is to come. There will be a day when our paths cross again and I hope it is positive. 2012 might not of ended in the way I envisioned and I’m sure 2013 won’t either but what is to come is beautiful and I can’t wait to see it. 🙂

Don’t You Sure Me!

So there is just something about asking a person if they want to hang out and the first words they utter are, “Sure.” I immediately cringe and hate their existence for about 30 seconds. Sure is one of those words that has different meanings for different people. Some see it as a good word, a word that exemplifies excitement. “Sure! Of course, I would love to hang out with you!” There are those who see it as a definite affirmative of wanting or doing something, ” Yeah sure, we can totally hang out.” I on the other hand see it as a cop-out. When a person doesn’t want to do something, they pull out the trusty word sure to seal the deal. Sure is that word that is used only when someone does not want to be mean and say no but I know better. You will not use sure in my presence. You will not text it or email it or say it or hell even read it to me. There is a reason why yes and no exists. Use them as they are meant to be used. Do not bitch out and expect for me to not know that you do not really want to hang out with me or date me or have sex with me or sleep over or, or, or infinite things can be added here. I will correct you and not kindly either. Yes or no please and thank you. And yes, I said please and thank you, in which everyone knows, is the Southern gals way of saying do it
now or else. Really, am I asking for too much? Let me guess, “Sure.”

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