He told me he wasn’t going anywhere.
I sadly believe him.
He will break my heart.
Inevitably he always does.
I long for that stay.
I’ll get back to the sex soon enough but for now, you must go without. Call it a sexcation if you will. Not because I do not want to sex but just that time does not allow. My dreams are calling.
I love how when I sit down to write, I’m so tired and my brain just feels like mush. I sigh as my fingers hover above the keyboard, looking to start. I focus and let my fingers start hitting the keys and it ‘s like a wave. I start to type faster and faster as the story finds me. I’m invigorated! It’s my like my own personal drug to have this give me life more than any pill can. My characters call to me and I have to tell their story right. There is no other option. I must finish what I have started. Finally, I am on my way.
I’ve fallen completely behind with NaNoWriMo but I am determined to catch up. Catching up consists of writing about 15,000 words this weekend. I think it’s doable. I would prefer to not do that but I decided to be social and have fallen off the wagon. Hard. I need writing motivation people! The fatigue is setting in and I’m not sure I can get past it. Not to mention I’m being hormonal and emotional which is getting in the way of my being productive because I just get angry instead of being rational. Blah! Anywho, here is to getting back in track with the writing on my blog and working on the novel everyday. Until next time.
As I sit here writing this, I am looking out of an open door, listening to the roll of thunder and watching the flash of light streak across the sky. Tires splash on wet pavement and the breeze tickles my legs as I savor this cup of joe.
As I lay beside him, my mind began to wonder. He was my first but I just had to know if it would be different this time around. He kisses me ever so softly and I welcome the change in sexual pace. He is not like the others, far from it. He takes his time and thrust ever so slow and as good as he was I just couldn’t do one thing: get over his pale skin.
NaNoWriMo is finally upon us and it is getting real already. Day 3 in and I am already behind but I’m on my way to catching up. I’m also doing a blog post a day. Not really worried about the word count with that but this novel I’ve been talking about forever and it is about time I hunkered down to get’er done! I hope that those of you that are doing the challenge, comment and encourage me. I could surely use it and I will gladly do the same. Get to writing!
I hardly remember the night but it is one I can never forget. I had sex for a Shirley Temple. I was fucked by a lake in the middle of the night by a man I didn’t know. He chocked me into submission but I welcomed it. My release was vital to it.
There is a moment upon waking when you recall what makes you happy, smile, and get out of bed. Today, I realized, I’m not happy. I’m downright miserable. I’m slowly losing my best resource, my mind. One of my best assets has been on overload due to work. That’s what I do, I work. I work everyday at least 9-10 hours a day. If I’m lucky I have an off day but I’m so exhausted that I don’t want to do anything. It’s frustrating. I don’t think I work terribly long hours but the thought of being so overwhelmed with work duties that I can’t get my mind to focus on what I NEED to be doing is depressing.
Yes, I am always writing but I can write more, feel more, be more. All and all I need to FEEL again. I’ve been so numb to life, so angry. The need to get away is strong but certain things don’t allow me to flee. I need to find myself, again. Maybe it is just the writers plight to be unstable. It does create for great moments and characters. Our actions and words influence more than we know. I have to prepare accordingly. November is coming and I have to be ready. NaNoWriMo is on the horizon and my novel must be completed. My greatest resource is in need of a jump start but I’m still unsure of how to do it. Either way, I have to find my motivation because I’m tired of disappointing myself.
I’m starting my quest of participating in NaNoWriMo and I’m synopsizing my chapters but my brain seems to be on overload from trying to get everything to flow. I have to actively remind myself that it is a first draft, which is not about it being perfect, but getting it down on paper so to speak. My brain wants to take me on so many different directions and focusing has always been my problem but I am so close to accomplishing everything my heart could ever imagine. I am working harder now than I ever have before. I can not keep this flow from myself. I want you to celebrate with me. I know I sound overly excited but I honestly think about where I was last year in relation to now and tears start to form. So keep growing with me.