LisaMore

Writing What Is Me

Archive for the tag “Love”

One Night Stands and Heartbreaks

So, I’ve been m.i.a over here on Lisa More lately because I’ve been working on a project that is near and dear to me. One Night Stands and Heartbreaks has finally started to take shape. I know I mentioned that it was a book in my 2013 In The House! post but I changed my mind for many reasons. One of them is that I would like to have an on going dialogue about sex, love, and relationships. Lisa More is more personal, whereas, ONSAH is more general. So, I ask if you like my writing here, you go follow my site and engage in conversation with me. One Night Stands and Heartbreaks. Get into it yall!

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Optimism Makes This Easy

So, as most of you may know, I was dumped days before Christmas by someone who I thought I was going to spend possibly forever with. We talked marriage and kids and then out of the blue, “I don’t think we are good for each other.” Ouch. To say the least, my Christmas sucked. I cried for three days but then I realized something. I was not crying because our relationship was over. There were many obstacles we would of had to get over if we were ever going to be together. I had my doubts of course but I worked through them because I thought he was worth it. I gave more of myself than I normally would and it lead me here. Which, was the hurtful part. Giving so much of myself to someone who I thought was worth it. I really thought he was worth it. He did things for me that I had never experienced. He always opened my door and was a gentleman. There was just one problem, that apparently was not who he naturally was. He did all of those things for me because that’s what I wanted. Thanks. I guess. Which is probably why the breakup came out of nowhere, but, my intuition was trying to warn me all along. I just ignored it. Go figure.

Even though this guy did the shittiest thing that any person has ever done to me, I still forgive him. I don’t hate him, I never will. It’s not destroying my view of love or of Christmas for that matter. Why do you ask? Because I am optimistic. More optimistic than most people. I see the good in people, no matter what they do. Everyone has good in them but it needs to be nurtured in order to grow. I see the potential that others overlook and I want to help it blossom into greatness. That’s just who I am. I will fall in love again and get excited for sharing Christmas with another person and I won’t think of this shitty moment. I will be filled with love and joy and giving. And I wish the same for him. Do I think that he is hurt by what he did? Absolutely not. Do I think that he still cares or loves me? Absolutely not. And that’s okay. My friends, coworkers, employees all believe that in the near future he will contact me and want to get back together. Do I want him back? Absolutely not. Do I miss him? Of course. I mean, we were supposed to see the Dali Lama together damnit! Which is upsetting because, it’s the Fucking Dali Lama! I digressed.

I consulted the IChing and it is always spot on with its wisdom. That brought me more inner peace than I thought it would. Basically, I needed to have a shock to my system to remind me of something, to bring me to where I’m supposed to be. Losing yourself in a relationship happens and I was doing that. I see that. I wasn’t doing what I needed to do because of the energy this person was feeding me. Losing sight of the most important things because someone else “took” their place. I found myself being angry for no reason and not understanding why. Am I saying it was his fault? No, I’m not. Do I think it influenced me? Yes, I do. Either way, I’m better off. He’s better off. I’m optimistic about my future and what is to come. There will be a day when our paths cross again and I hope it is positive. 2012 might not of ended in the way I envisioned and I’m sure 2013 won’t either but what is to come is beautiful and I can’t wait to see it. 🙂

Saving Grace

So, here I am not sure about how I feel.
I’m crying but I don’t know why.
I don’t feel sad
I’m not mad
I’m hurt.
Hurt by the deceitfulness that he brought into my world.
My saving grace is never knowing what we could of been.
What we should of been.
This will take time to trust again.
To give myself to someone who deserves every part of me and doesn’t run at the first sign of trouble.
This was not love, not on his part.
Every word, every feeling, every touch was just a mini heartbreak.
The only thing that will get me through is my saving grace.

What The Fuck!?!?

I just got dumped two days before Christmas. Isn’t that lovely?

Let It Flow

I have a bad tendency of having my feelings get in the way of letting things flow. I become standoffish and act like the person I’m with is just a friend. It’s my defense mechanism. I don’t like letting people in and when I do, I’m unsure if it was the right move or not. This is where I am today. I’m more comfortable telling random people how I work than one’s I love. I want to end things because I’m not okay with how uncomfortable it is making me, not him. I didn’t mean for those words to come out. I really didn’t. I want to take them back. I’m not in love. I can’t be in love. I won’t be in love. I am scared. More scared than I have ever been. I never thought I would be afraid to be in love. To have someone have my back and I have his. For it to be an us instead of I. I’m serious about him being serious about me but I don’t know if I’m serious about him being serious about me. I want to end this, call it quits. I am that scared. Yet somehow, he still makes me want to stick around. That’s a good sign. When he makes you see the fear but don’t allow for it to consume you and stop you from doing what is right, that is love. I’m starting to slowly embrace it but there are still those moments when I question it’s validity. I question whether his love is real because it’s new to me. Because I have never experienced love in that way. Maybe I should just shut up about it and let it flow.

My Wetness is Your Wetness

You are the only girl I’ve ever wanted but I can’t fathom telling you how I feel.

Love is a strong word but it’s not just a verb.

It’s you and I holding hands in the dark

The feel of your lips upon mine.

I remember the softness and can’t imagine any lips that can take your place.

My wetness against your tongue touching my tongue is a sweetness that is irresistible

That night is on repeat and if it would have been meant to be we would be.

You were my first and only but you will never be my last.

Shit.

I think I just told him I love him.

Shit.

Naked Bodies

The blindfold adds an element I never knew it could. But I know without sight or sound, the thought of me turns him on. His naked body calls to me with his dick standing at attention. I can feel his lips against my skin even being miles apart. Let the fantasy begin.

Love At the Doorstep

As Corrinne Bailey Rae “Trouble Sleeping” is playing, my fear comes bubbling to the top

She sings, ” I won’t say I’m falling in love”

Don’t tell me I’m falling in love.

I’m not myself.

But those three little words can not escape my lips.

Love is chasing me and I refuse to let it in.

I don’t want to fall in love though I’ve expressed on occasion that I do.

Love scares me because it becomes about us instead of I.

Selfishness is my best friend.

Sorry love but I just can’t let you in.

Even though I haven’t been myself because love is at my doorstep.

I Want to Fall in Love

I want to fall in love.
I know, I know.
You think I’m going about this the wrong way.
Falling is what we tell ourselves when we are not sure.
I am sure but falling is the best part.
That floating feeling.
That I look longingly into your eyes and I see the depths of our love
But I’m just kidding myself.
Falling in love is just an illusion.
Love runs deeper and intertwines until it is inconceivable to ever be apart.
I want to fall in love, yet I still shout!
The illusion, it cures all of those doubts that I’m doing this wrong.
The lullaby soothes. Nothing else will do.
I must fall in love to know it’s true.
I am afraid I can no longer be rescued.
Falling, the death of love.

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