LisaMore

Writing What Is Me

Archive for the tag “hate”

Fuck You Falling! Again!

I can honestly say this just might be a Halloween to remember. Not for any good reason, but because I put myself out there and then he tells me his fears. He’s not sure if he wants to be with one person. I mean that’s cool but if you don’t want to be with just one person, why in the hell would you agree to be someone’s boyfriend. And exclusive at that. I’m just unsure of how to handle this. The only thing I can do is withdraw completely. I’m not entirely emotionally invested but I was getting there. I mean, of course I have fears about the future and whether or not we should continue but I throw caution to the wind because I believe in “love”. I believe in doing things that scare you, that challenge you, that make you into a better person. However, I do have a tendency to be hasty about things because I am a in the moment type of person. I’m trying not to be that person today. I just need time. He obviously needs time. Fuck. I hate this. This is why I’m not a fan of fucking falling!

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We Shall Overcome but What About White People?

This post was written by Andrew M. Manis, a historian, author, professor at Macon State College, in Macon, Georgia. I think this is a very important issue that needs to be addressed and acknowledged. Just because you don’t see it or hear it, does not mean it does not exist.

For much of the last forty years, ever since America “fixed” its race problem in the Civil Rights and Voting Rights Acts, we white people have been impatient with African-Americans who continued to blame race for their difficulties. Often we have heard whites ask, “When are African-Americans finally going to get over it? Now I want to ask: “When are we White Americans going to get over our ridiculous obsession with skin color?
Recent reports that “Election Spurs Hundreds’ of Race Threats, Crimes” should frighten and infuriate every one of us. Having grown up in “Bombingham,” Alabama in the 1960s, I remember overhearing an avalanche of comments about what many white classmates and their parents wanted to do to John and Bobby Kennedy and Martin Luther King. Eventually, as you may recall, in all three cases, someone decided to do more than “talk the talk.”
Since our recent presidential election, to our eternal shame we are once again hearing the same reprehensible talk I remember from my boyhood.
We white people have controlled political life in the disunited colonies and United States for some 400 years on this continent. Conservative whites have been in power 28 of the last 40 years. Even during the eight Clinton years, conservatives in Congress blocked most of his agenda and pulled him to the right. Yet never in that period did I read any headlines suggesting that anyone was calling for the assassinations of presidents Nixon, Ford, Reagan, or either of the Bushes. Criticize them, yes. Call for their impeachment, perhaps. But there were no bounties on their heads. And even when someone did try to kill Ronald Reagan, the perpetrator was non-political mental case who wanted merely to impress Jody Foster.
But elect a liberal who happens to be Black and we’re back in the sixties again. At this point in our history, we should be proud that we’ve proven what conservatives are always saying — that in America anything is possible, EVEN electing a black man as president. But instead we now hear that school children from Maine to California are talking about wanting to “assassinate Obama.”
Fighting the urge to throw up, I can only ask, “How long?” How long before we white people realize we can’t make our nation, much less the whole world, look like us? How long until we white people can – once and for all – get over this hell-conceived preoccupation with skin color? How long until we white people get over the demonic conviction that white skin makes us superior? How long before we white people get over our bitter resentments about being demoted to the status of equality with non-whites?
How long before we get over our expectations that we should be at the head of the line merely because of our white skin? How long until we white people end our silence and call out our peers when they share the latest racist jokes in the privacy of our white-only conversations?
I believe in free speech, but how long until we white people start making racist loudmouths as socially uncomfortable as we do flag burners? How long until we white people will stop insisting that blacks exercise personal responsibility, build strong families, educate themselves enough to edit the Harvard Law Review, and work hard enough to become President of the United States, only to threaten to assassinate them when they do?
How long before we starting “living out the true meaning” of our creeds, both civil and religious, that all men and women are created equal and that “red and yellow, black and white” all are precious in God’s sight?
Until this past November 4, I didn’t believe this country would ever elect an African-American to the presidency. I still don’t believe I’ll live long enough to see us white people get over our racism problem. But here’s my three-point plan: First, everyday that Barack Obama lives in the White House that Black Slaves Built, I’m going to pray that God (and the Secret Service) will protect him and his family from us white people.
Second, I’m going to report to the FBI any white person I overhear saying, in seriousness or in jest, anything of a threatening nature about President Obama. Third, I’m going to pray to live long enough to see America surprise the world once again, when white people can “in spirit and in truth” sing of our damnable color prejudice, “We HAVE overcome.”

Forever Last Night

There needs to be more than last night. How about in the morning?

Too many nights end with me sneaking out of this room again. Sighing. Inhale deep knowing this isn’t the way to the place of forever.

There is no sound of breakfast being made for two just sheets slightly ruffled where a body used to lay. Slightly warm though the time has passed to bring the fire back.

A cycle that I love too deeply to find that meaning. He doesn’t want that meaning found, especially not with him. Just another one night stand where touching is the end.

Passion playing a cruel joke upon us as we kiss. It has a deeper feel than most, maybe it’s the alcohol talking.

Or.

The meaning is searching, aching to come to light. One night stand that never should of happened. A kiss filled with regret. Though neither one of us is willing to admit. We don’t have to because our bodies say it all. The calling for each other. The awkwardness in our stare.

We were never meant to have a morning.

Forever last night.

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