Writing What Is Me

Archive for the tag “fear”

Let It Flow

I have a bad tendency of having my feelings get in the way of letting things flow. I become standoffish and act like the person I’m with is just a friend. It’s my defense mechanism. I don’t like letting people in and when I do, I’m unsure if it was the right move or not. This is where I am today. I’m more comfortable telling random people how I work than one’s I love. I want to end things because I’m not okay with how uncomfortable it is making me, not him. I didn’t mean for those words to come out. I really didn’t. I want to take them back. I’m not in love. I can’t be in love. I won’t be in love. I am scared. More scared than I have ever been. I never thought I would be afraid to be in love. To have someone have my back and I have his. For it to be an us instead of I. I’m serious about him being serious about me but I don’t know if I’m serious about him being serious about me. I want to end this, call it quits. I am that scared. Yet somehow, he still makes me want to stick around. That’s a good sign. When he makes you see the fear but don’t allow for it to consume you and stop you from doing what is right, that is love. I’m starting to slowly embrace it but there are still those moments when I question it’s validity. I question whether his love is real because it’s new to me. Because I have never experienced love in that way. Maybe I should just shut up about it and let it flow.


The Defeat of Love

Just another statement set upon those lips of impeding destruction causing for in-depth self-reflection

Fighting my feelings of joy and like because I’m afraid of how it feels to let my emotions take control of this flow

Fear consumes my essence. Being no longer being when I’m falling into the depths of this hell.

Don’t bring me back there. I can’t fight my way back to the light that needs me.

Don’t feed me words of hope and love when despair is all you are capable of.

Searching for something that will never be there.

Missing pieces that are forever misplaced. Kisses and hugs will never/can never take their place.

Fuck you and this situation. I hate the look of per ecstasy upon your face while I’m bruised by the touch of your skin.

But it won’t end.

The love always beckons me again.

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