There is a moment upon waking when you recall what makes you happy, smile, and get out of bed. Today, I realized, I’m not happy. I’m downright miserable. I’m slowly losing my best resource, my mind. One of my best assets has been on overload due to work. That’s what I do, I work. I work everyday at least 9-10 hours a day. If I’m lucky I have an off day but I’m so exhausted that I don’t want to do anything. It’s frustrating. I don’t think I work terribly long hours but the thought of being so overwhelmed with work duties that I can’t get my mind to focus on what I NEED to be doing is depressing.
Yes, I am always writing but I can write more, feel more, be more. All and all I need to FEEL again. I’ve been so numb to life, so angry. The need to get away is strong but certain things don’t allow me to flee. I need to find myself, again. Maybe it is just the writers plight to be unstable. It does create for great moments and characters. Our actions and words influence more than we know. I have to prepare accordingly. November is coming and I have to be ready. NaNoWriMo is on the horizon and my novel must be completed. My greatest resource is in need of a jump start but I’m still unsure of how to do it. Either way, I have to find my motivation because I’m tired of disappointing myself.