LisaMore

Writing What Is Me

The Future Us.

We’ve all been there, that moment when you are with someone and instead of using the word I, he/she says us. Fireworks go off overhead and the future flashes before your eyes. But, does the use of the word us actually mean someone is thinking long-term? Do we hear us and think long-term, serious relationship? The answer for most women is yes. Us pops out of a man’s mouth, then it must be real. However, I’m a firm believer that all usage of the term us is not created equal. I decided to ask three of my male friends if this is true and the answers were spot on but slightly surprising.

Male one said that any man who uses us in a future scenario definitely sees a future with the lady and would only use us if he is serious about the relationship.

Male two said the same thing but that there were exceptions. Those exceptions were if they were business partnerships/personal relationships, which is completely understandable.

Their answers were the typical answers and the answers I was looking for but the last male is the reason why all usages of the word us is not made equal. He said,” just because someone uses the word us in a future scenario means they are just using an example and that it does not determine whether or not he is serious about the relationship or the lady”. It really depends on the context of the usage, which makes sense and I could not argue with that. Sometimes, we as women look into things too deeply and assume that the use of a word or the giving of a key (I’ll explain this below) means so much more than it actually does. If a man is serious about a woman, he will tell her. He will not beat around the bush and give mixed signals, he will be straight forward and truthful. Stop allowing for your mind and your homegirl to define what your relationship is or should be. Same goes for males as well.

I also brought up the key issue, which seems to be a much bigger issue than any other. In my past and my present I’ve had to deal with the key issue. In my past, I had the key to his apartment but he did not have a key to mine. I never saw it as a big deal to have a key to his place or for him to have one to mine. He did not see it that way. He was in his feelings about the issue and it meant that I did not trust him. To me, that was not the case. I just like my privacy. Having a key to him was that we were serious about each other and we had a future.

Cut to the present and new man in my life, I have a key to his place but he does not have a key to mine. He does not want one to my place and he does not believe that my having a key to his apartment signifies anything more than he trust me. I never thought it signified that. I do agree that it shows how much he trust me and now that I see it from a different point of view, I did not trust my past. I expected him to invade my privacy and that says a lot about that relationship but I digress.

Point is this, stop looking for everything to have a deeper meaning. Our generation is royalty when it comes to passive action emotion. There are times we expect for others to understand by our actions and never our words or vice versa. Why is it so rare to have our words and actions meet in the right place? Is it because we fear what would become of our words in action or action in words? A man nor a woman should never be left guessing and deciding what the relationship is on their own based off of actions and/or words alone. Conversations and communication are meant to happen so people don’t get hurt. Yes, I know, easier said than done but it can happen. You have to be true to yourself and the rest will follow. If you just want something in particular like, to have sex, let it be known, you just might be surprised by the return answer. Not everything has to be so serious but it will be once someone gets in their feelings and that is the last thing anyone needs. The truth will set you free for a reason and communication is key to the truth and freedom.

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