Writing What Is Me

Do You Remember the Very First Night of September?

September 1st is finally upon us! My favorite month of the year for oh so many reasons. The leaves begin to change colors, colder weather, sweaters, and boots! The beginning of Fall is perhaps one of the most beautiful seasons if not the best. That perfect temperature between warm and cold and it just seems like everything comes together during the fall months.

(Yes, I know this post is late but I’m leaving it as is for many reasons.)

Though September is my favorite month, it does come with some downsides. Usually it is when life changing situations happen that hurt like hell or are so joyful you can not do anything but laugh,cry and smile. This 1st was good and not for any one reason in particular but maybe it was the end of August that made it so satisfying.

My last couple days of August had me realize I have the ability to make things happen when I least expect it to. More so, I have the ability to slightly predict the future when it comes to relationships. That one guy who found me when I was lonely and then promptly disappeared out of my life reappeared most unexpectedly. We ended up finishing what we started but not before we had a conversation about being with each other but promptly after the whistle blew I realized I don’t want to date this person. Ever. Not to sound mean but his being in my life is totally on a friend level, a very truthful and deep friendship. I can tell this guy anything and talk about things I would not with anyone else with ease and I never want to lose that. Unfortunately, he thinks I do want to be with him but that can be rectified later.

After this night, I attempted to do something I had not done in a long time and that is, The List. The dreaded list where we reminisce and scratch our heads, thinking, did I really? and Oh, what was I thinking? Or for some The List has gotten so long that it can and will never be accurate. My list is nothing to write home about but a list none the less. It seems I keep adding to it when I really just want it to end but I have never really been one to settle or have less than the best so I guess it will continue to grow until that point.  (I believe my days of adding to the list are just about over to be honest.)

Another surprising thing that happened on the 1st was my boy got out of jail but I wasn’t as happy as I thought I would be nor has he talked to me since he got out. (I did talk to him weeks later and damn it! It made me realize I still am in love with him but him forgetting my birthday and not talking to him since has made me see the proverbial light. I don’t hate him, but hell, I don’t like him.)

Now September is almost over and the year is almost done. I’m surprised my September has ended the way it has. My birthday was a bust as usual. No big surprise there. Not particularly disappointed by it either. I’m really happy being single for once in my life because life is far less complicated when you are than when you are not. A lot of my goals are coming together and I expect for 2012 to be nothing but the best. Next time, I won’t take forever to write about my favorite month or write in general. It is only the beginning ,where as for some people, it is finally the end.


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