Writing What Is Me

Hi At Us

I recently decided to take a writing hiatus and by recently I mean a few months ago. After starting my first big girl job I was a little overwhelmed with everything that comes along with it. I was also dealing with my ex going to jail (he totally deserved to go by the way) though that wasn’t that tough of an issue to deal with except for the fact we were talking about getting back together and I’m still in love with him (which totally sucks). Along with that, I fell out of touch with my best friend and just all around felt lost in the world. New Orleans is starting to feel like a dream, a strange place, that I have never encountered before and not in a good way. It seems I have these feelings at some point every few years when I feel like I just keep going back to things that I know. I want some excitement, something new that I haven’t experienced before but with responsibilities and accountability being an issue for me at the moment, I can’t just up and move across the pond like I would like. I feel as though I’m wasting my potential away day and night. Is it because I’m scared of what the future brings? Not really (that not really translates to yes). Am I scared of being alone? Yeah but at the end of the day who cares. ( I care damnit! With tears streaming down my face.) When these thoughts hit me I have to write. It was dumb of me to ever stop in the first place. Getting lost in the words and love of writing is what saved me or rather saves me. The fear of failure seems greater than success for me at the moment. Would a pep talk help? Yeah, definitely. I actually got one recently, well sort of. I’ve been told by numerous people that I have potential but everyone has potential. I’m not exceptional at anything in particular but once one does things enough they become an expert. I tend to give up on things before I ever get to that point. I’ve started to realize my problem already. I always give up when I should push through but that has nothing to do with my pep talk. I digressed.

Anywho, my pep talk happened while at work when I was told that I didn’t fit in. Not the first time I’ve been told that at this job but somehow someway I find myself back there. I actually enjoy what I do but I want to LOVE what I do. Everyone wants to be able to do this but somehow we feel like we have to be part of the rat race and slaves to the cause. That’s why I have to create an evil plan to escape all of this. At the rate I’m going I’ll end up being stuck in the same place forever and that is not an option. Don’t let it be an option for you either. Recognize your flaws and acknowledge them. Figure out what it is you want in life (which is always the hard part) and go for it. My favorite thing to say is, forget all the scary stuff and say how you feel and do what you want. In the words of Beyonce, (actually, I’m misquoting Beyonce ) school life don’t let life school you. Did I just type that? Anyway you know what I mean and you know what to do.


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